Choices

     Life is full of choices. Once in a while, however, we get handed something we would NOT have chosen...like cancer.

 

     The choices that come with cancer are many, some hard, some easy. Treatment...Duh! Yes, of course! Port or veins...I chose a port, some choose veins. Shave your head or watch your hair fall out...I shaved it off. No choice is right or wrong, it's just what feels best for you.

 

     At one of my Herceptin infusions, I noticed a 35ish year old lady ahead of me in line to check in. She had chosen not to shave her head, nor did she wear a hat or a scarf. Her once blond hair was extremely patchy and almost all gone. As I looked at her, I felt sorry for her because she looked very ill. Her choice was to face cancer with her hair falling out and not cover it up.

 

     As I thought about her choice over and over again, I realized that others might view me as sick too. When I make the choice when I go out to wear my hat instead of my wig, others might look at me and think the same thing I thought about that lady... that I look sick. I don't want people to look at me and think that I am sick!!!  I want them to think that I look ok or even pretty good, considering the circumstances!

 

But seeing her with her almost-gone hair made me think about my choices and the perceptions given from our choices. How that lady and I both faced the same disease in very different ways makes us more alike than different, I guess, but people's perception might be different. I know mine was.

 

     So...will that make me wear my wig more often instead of my more comfortable hats just so no ones perception is, "Oh, she's sick"? 

 

NOPE! 

 

Sorry! As the lady I mentioned above made her choice, my choice is to wear a hat that is comfy instead of my wig which is not as comfy. I have decided that whatever people think can not be my concern.

 

Is that a tough choice for me? Yes, for me it is, but the reality is that I need to focus my energies on getting well and not on other people's perceptions! Besides, I have some really cute hats!!!  :-) 

 

     Another choice I have made is to get as much living done during this time as I can. I believe that just because I have cancer doesn't mean I should put my life on hold! 

 

Arland had a meeting in Missouri last week and I had the choice to go along or stay home. Some thought I should stay home just in case I get sick. Being in a strange ER wouldn't be fun but being home alone all week would have been waaaaaay LESS fun so I made the choice to go with Arland.

 

     We left Monday as soon as my Herceptin infusion was done. We drove to Council Bluffs that night and yes, I did get sick, but it only lasted a couple hours and by Tuesday morning I was feeling much better. The rest of the trip was awesome! We enjoyed our time together and I felt great!

 

     During our trip, we got to visit with a dear friend and former teaching partner, Dianne Gooch and her husband, Bill.  Dianne and I taught together for lots of years (along with Karen Paulson...we were a GREAT trio!!!). We had such a wonderful time together and our visit will be a memory I treasure for a long time...and it will give me something to smile about during my next chemo.

 

     We also spent a very enjoyable evening with Karen and Jim Larson. Karen is Arland's cousin. Karen and Jim used to live in Fargo and our families spent LOTS of time together when our children were young. It is so neat to have a relationship with people that transcends time.  We just slip right into our same comfortable ways as if we had seen each other last week, even though it has been many months! 

 

     Both of those visits were golden threads!!!

     One choice I made during the trip could have had some very serious consequences. Luckily, it didn't! The choice? To whip off my wig as we rolled down Interstate at 75 mph passing truck after truck. Thank goodness, not one trucker drove into the ditch when they saw my bald head!!!