A while back, I ran into an acquaintance of mine. We exchanged pleasantries, and then she asked how I was doing. I told her I was doing well. After a short pause, she looked at me and said, "Don't you worry about a recurrence?"
Hmmmmm... "Is the pope Catholic?" "Does winter always come after fall?" "Will the sun rise in the East?" I had a hundred smart replies ready to go in my mind but I tempered my response by simply admitting the truth. "Yes, of course I worry that the cancer will come back."
Anyone who has dealt with a serious health issue worries about a recurrence. That is normal...it's human nature to worry. However, as anyone who has had serious health issues knows, life goes on and it's up to YOU to go with it! Even though I didn't have control over the fact that I got cancer, I do have control over how I respond to it.
On the other hand, I am a realist. Treatment does not carry a 100% guarantee. It is not easy to transition from active treatment to survivorship. It is like a revolving door. At any given moment, a procedure, scan, or test could lead right back to active treatment. With every little ache, pain, or twinge, it is easy for my mind to go to the dark side.
I believe that time will be a healer. The passage of time will allow my mind to catch up to my thoughts. Instead of cancer being the first thing I think about when I wake up as was the case for the first few months after diagnosis and during chemo and radiation, it's now the fifth or sixth thing I think about after waking.
I'm assuming it will be even farther down the list as time passes. Women who are a lot farther out of treatment say that cancer crosses their mind on a weekly basis. That's what I aspire to.
My goal is to change the meaning of FEAR from...
F = False
E = Evidence
R = Real
to...
F = Feeling
E = Excited
A = And
R = Ready
I feel excited and ready to put this behind me!
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