The Unspoken Words

 

     No one had said them yet. No one had uttered the words that would absolve me from carrying the burden of cancer.  And then he spoke those few simple words.

 

What started out as a routine doctor's visit quickly turned into one of the moments I will remember for the rest of my life.

     Dr. Foster, my radiation oncologist, is a quiet, professional man. There is not much chit-chat at these appointments. This visit was a three month follow-up to ensure my radiation burns had healed well. After my short exam was completed, he was ready to see his next patient. 

 

As he stood and walked towards the door, he passed me while I sat on the exam table. He paused, put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eye, and said something that took my breath away. He left before he saw my tears. 

    "Congratulations on being cancer-free!"

     I was shocked. His pronouncement was totally unexpected. Tears sprang to my eyes as the realization of his words settled in....cancer-free!

     I have not cried very much since my diagnosis last March and I had certainly never cried before at any of my doctor appointments. Crying takes so much energy and I felt like I wanted, NEEDED, to keep every ounce of energy to fight the battles I was facing.

 

But now the tears wouldn't stop. They weren't the sobbing kind...just quiet streams trickling down my face. I tried to wipe them away so I could get through the waiting room to the privacy of my car. I'm sure more than one person in the waiting room thought I had just received some very bad news.

 The bitter cold outside helped me get some perspective so I could drive home.

     After mulling over his five simple words, I realize my tears were the silent language of thankfulness. Up until then, I had been living in a limbo of "have cancer" or "had cancer". Now, I was given permission to use the past tense...had. 

 

Those tears were tears of relief. They were tears of joy. They were tears of hope. They were tears of gratitude that this part of my year long journey is winding down.