More New Experiences

     With cancer, there always seems to be a another new experience right around each (and every!) corner! Some experiences are easy and not too scary. Other experiences are more uncomfortable and somewhat distressing. Today, I had one of each.

 

     The easy and not too scary one came in the form of a PET scan. A PET scan is done to detect if there are other undiscovered cancers lurking undetected somewhere in your body.

 

For the most part, the PET scan was quite simple. Don't eat or drink anything after 7:15am and then wait and wait and wait until appointment time. My appointment was at 12:45.

 

When I got to the Roger Maris Cancer Center, I was ushered down another hallway I had never seen before and escorted through a set of locked doors. The locked doors were a little unnerving but I figured I couldn't be the only one back there so it must be fine. (They are locked for safety because of all the radioactive meds used there.)

 

     The PET scan process began at 1:00 with an intravenous injection of radioactive glucose. (If you look towards West Fargo in the dark, you may still see me glowing!!!) After the IV injection at 1:15, the nurse removed the needle and told me to lie there quietly for one hour without any movement. She said I could shift slightly if the HUGE recliner I was seated in became uncomfortable but NO other movement was allowed. (Cancer cells grow rapidly so the radioactive glucose is readily absorbed by them. Movement messes with that process and taints the results.) She covered me with a warmed blanket (I do sooo love those!!!), turned off all the lights with the exception of a small dim light, and told me she'd be back in an hour. My job was to relax and not move for an hour which I did...quite well, I think! 

 

     I must have dozed off because the door opened much sooner than I expected it to. She told me for the next part, we would move to the scanning machine next door.

 

I laid down on the very narrow "tray" type bed with my head propped in a close-fitting form to hold it still. She put large Velcro straps across my body to keep my arms from falling off the tray bed so I didn't have to use any muscles to support my arms (muscle activity would mess with the results again.) After that, she covered me with 2 warmed blankets (did I mention that I LOVE those blankets!?!). Shortly after 2:15, the scan began.

 

     The tray bed moved through the very narrow scanning machine (thank goodness, I am not claustrophobic) once from head to toe as a continuous scan was done. Then it began scanning sections of my body in 3 1/2 minute increments from my eyebrows down to the middle of my thighs. Again, I was asked NOT to move because that would blur the images.

 

As before, I snoozed. I know I fell asleep because I woke myself up when my shoulder involuntarily jerked!  OOOPS! So much for lying perfectly still! (I had only slept a few hours Sunday night which explains all the highly unusual napping I did during the scan.) My stomach growled and rumbled throughout the entire process.

 

     At 3:15 I was done and the first thing I did was to find some food since I hadn't eaten or drank anything since I ate my peanut butter toast eight hours earlier at 7:15 that morning. I had a bottle of water waiting in the Acadia! It tasted so good!!! Ah...simple pleasures.

    

     My second new experience of the day was of the second sort...uncomfortable and somewhat distressing.

 

I went to get a wig.

 

     After cancer was found in one of my lymph nodes during surgery, chemo was no longer an option...it was a certainty. I used the 14 days between surgery and today to mentally prepare to face the certainty that my hair is going to fall out.

 

     I am so fortunate to have a wonderful friend, Shawn, who has been down the road I am now traveling. She has been very gently guiding me towards this day.  She called last week and suggested that maybe we should go wig shopping soon. I would have continued putting it off but with her gentle nudging and compassionate persuasion, I agreed, knowing it had to be done sooner rather than later.

 

     So, today was the day.

 

This afternoon she came to my house to pick me up, and off we went to the place where you are forced to face the inevitable reality that you WILL lose your hair.

 

     The American Cancer Society gives a wig to people who lose their hair. Shawn took me there to begin the process of trying on and choosing a wig. Katie met us there to help in the selection process.

 

We met a young gal who took us to a side room where there were a number of synthetic wigs. She handed me a small black thing that looked like a knee high nylon only shorter. Then she left and pulled the curtain closed behind her. (The lady who usually helps people with wigs was home sick and this poor gal didn't really know what to do with us!)

 

    Thank goodness for Shawn!!!  She explained that the knee high nylon thingy was a sheer cap to hold my hair down close to my head to help the wigs fit better. I had NO idea what it was for! Getting that on was an experience! 

 

After I finally got the nylon thingy on, the trial and error process began.  We found a wig to try on that was close to my hair color.  Shawn had to teach me how to put it on because I had never done it before. Shawn adjusted it and Katie fluffed it before I turned around to look in the mirror.

 

     OH. MY. GOSH!!!

 

The shock of seeing myself in a wig that I knew I would need soon was indescribable. I was mortified! It was close to the right color but it looked AWFUL on me. I couldn't believe that I was really looking at me in the mirror. It surely didn't LOOK like me! I will never forget the feeling I had as I looked at my reflection. Reality set in fast and hard.

 

     Over the past two weeks, I had made up my mind that I was NOT going to cry when this day came. I don't know why I felt it was so important to do this without tears but to me it just was! I would make it through the "wig-picking" experience WITHOUT tears!

 

     After the initial horrifying shock of seeing my reflection in the mirror, I took a deep breath, tried to fix/fluff/style the wig, knew that was futile, and decided to try a different one...but I had done it without tears!

 

     The next one didn't work out very well either. Both Shawn and Katie very kindly said it didn't look too bad and with some professional cutting and styling it might work but I just wasn't ready to accept that this is what I was going to look like for the next 6 to 8 months.

 

We found a third one that seemed to be a slightly different color than my hair and I tried that one on. That one didn't horrify me, so we put that on a "maybe" pile. The next one I tried on had a really cute cut but the color was too light so that one was put back.

 

     After trying a couple more, we ran out of wigs that matched my color so we went back to the two in the "maybe" pile. I tried both of them on again. We agreed that one of the wigs was close in color and had a cute style in front and in back. Katie and Shawn both agreed that the style, although different from mine, was cute and looked like a newer, fresher, trendier style than what I have now so that's the one I brought home. Ha!  Can you imagine!?!  Me...trendy?  HA!

 

     Then things went south...

 

     Either Shawn or Katie (I can't remember which one and it's waaaay to late...2:15am...to call and ask) decided I should try on a very LONG, very blond, very wavy wig. Oh, my! 

 

Our giggles rolled out under the curtain and I'm sure the young gal that had shown us into the room was wondering WHAT was going on back there. BUT, giggle we did! (Pictures will come later. Kristi will need to post them for me since I don't know how yet.)

 

     After the uncomfortable, distressing realization of seeing myself in a wig that first time and knowing that I would need it in the very near future, I desperately needed some levity and lightheartedness. We NEEDED that silliness! It felt so good to giggle!!!

 

     Now, I wonder what new experiences await me around the next corner.